Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Myth


The virgin birth
biggest insult to women.


Honoured earth
ahead of time
some have done.
It’s no new discovery that damage continues,
immediacy,  convenience, for whom and when

We are all earthy
This myth of the virgin birth
is dead, and needs cremation

Minerals and matter returned to life

Loving tolerance of this, that and etcetera,
in hopes of maintaining the planet’s breathing.
The virgin birth
an insult to women
entrenched myth maintained

Babies come from us, literally speaking,
not we from them 



Enough of the rub, the story of the rib

We are all earthy, perfect, not  perfect,
frustratingly inane, surviving not in vain? 






Monday, July 29, 2013

Part 2: You're OK and You can be Happy




So long as I

Am Dedicated To

Looking after You


But I think you’ve tables to turn

For reasons understood
I must proceed
what I’ve learned
Gratitude for Guidance From Beloved Figures I’ve admired

I feel sad
Probably having placed
Unrealistic hope instead of something more subtle, difficult but appropriate

Not you, Not many people, as you’ve screamed out,
Like My politics, manner or characteristics
But I have to accept that

I’m willing to make small adjustments

But not to be covered from head to toes.
As I’ve promised myself to leave that behind
In previous generations of my personal genealogy.

I know they were certainly
not without intelligence
And abilities,
But that is not good reason to follow their tactics of survival
When I’ve been enabled
Including by
at least some of them.

To try to use better methods,
I’m still trying and continue to do so...

Friday, July 26, 2013

Covered from head to toe




Part 1

Sorry to Say
Sorry to see
Her Covered
Head to Toe
Except her Eyes
Presumably So
She Can See

And cannot therefore
Stumble,  
And Cause delay
Lying in the Path
Of a Busy Male

It might be
She may follow her Assigned Male
On his Rounds
On his way
To important business
Looking after his Interests
His Needs

Serving his interests
In the main—
Being He

She is assigned
To be accompanied by Him

Only, of course, when he deigns
When he has a mind
To be kind
To take her Shopping
Or otherwise as it suits
And is OK’d
By his Mates
As part of His Group
Tactical Squad
Looking after their Lot

Sorry to say
Ensuring Things Remain
As they are ‘meant to be’
That is, All for Him,
But Pronounced to be
in the best interests of Her
Albeit unasked

And in the interests of Society
And the Children 

Unless of course
There has been chosen
A beautiful young thing
Who Is
for one reason and another
Interested not to see
What is clear to
Those few women, and men, who have managed
To escape with their brains
Emotions intact
Understandably too big an ask.
For such Courage, Character and Daring Generosity

What is going to happen
With so little common sense
Which is a big thing to ask
Seeing as how
This behaviour
Has withstood
Centuries and cultures
In varying degrees and different parts of different societies
It remains strong, easily sustained
As there is so much to be lost
By those who have Not harnessed their egos,
To explore ethics and understandings
Other than self-interested core beliefs

Including complex manoeuvrings
To prove claimed ‘imaginings’
On the part of those who promote change to more just dealings.

Again, back in our face, for all and all race, we are all
Interdependent and Intertwined, Whining and Complaining

And yet again, 
I’ve been challenged, accused of ‘complexes’ 

Feel again -- Sadness, and disappointment, lack of support,
Probably worstly by myself,

I’ve tried my best
To support yet another inappropriate male
To be kind
Forgiving at best
Not noticing various

But knew and know that I Tried too much
Did not respect To my own common senses
Too much Doubted myself too much
Will I learn ever?
About misplaced trust
In an inappropriate Subject
Who simply misjudged his own
Capabilities and desires
His Life Now tells me The Problem-- I have Com Plexes!

Always a struggle
With Wants and Needs,
And consequent effects on others

I need to take courage, to move on,
Return forthwith to my previous, hard-earned focus
On professional doings which I know I can do,
Take faith in my abilities and carry on
Need to accept
As I’d tried and accepted in the past
That I likely will not Be able to Find
A compatible mate

It might be fine,
Forced to focus, Go for it.

Continue and increase Visiting with grace.
Interested to ‘make a difference’
Able I hope

Aware of Nature’s inevitable Acts

Is this my personal Diary for current mental and physical progress?
Or is it as you’ve dismissed it—my complex?!!!  
























Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Christmas Cheer


Yes, it was Christmas time.  December and Hot in Sydney, when I decided that Yes, I would go with the suggestion to get a car.

After quite a few years practicing my ethical green standards with express concern for Sydney’s transport pollution, I was encouraged by a friend to ‘get some wheels’.  Yes, I would go with the suggestion to get a car.   

The small white Mazda 1300 was New to me.  It was waiting outside the workshop garage of a friend of the friend of mine; if I did not have my money with me, I may as well have had my money with me!  It was a ‘done deal’ before I spotted it from the street. I felt myself cringing in disappointed distaste, as I noted its dents—its age and its strange, humble, fiat-like style.  Its direction was ridiculously undecided—heading backwards?  Or heading forwards?  A feeling of immediate rejection by me!  In retrospect, Poor little car!

Pride and power of Ownership of my ‘new car’ as well as specific need, overcame some of my Sydney-style interest in style.  I did of course concentrate on my logical beliefs of what we now call ‘environmental sustainability’.   As for the ‘greenness’ of my ethics, I remain confident that my behaviour as a whole cancelled out my apparent hypocrisy; I honestly know that it was, not nor is it,  a case of ‘carbon trading’ hypocrisy!  Perhaps only peer group pressure, but my Mazda and I saw a lot of Sydney together, ‘and I’m grateful for that’! 

Shortly after the first day of collection, I drove the little item out to Dad, who commented on the wonderfully useful metal hooks, hidden under the front carriage, and I agreed— this admirably demonstrated /confirmed and indicated its having been manufactured in Japan—a package including function and quality—and this also confirmed my new friendships with both of Shoji and Akiko, strange as it may seem.  And now the car was headed to becoming a very true friend as well!  

Visiting from Brisbane, my young nephew James insisted that his BMX bike, YES, COULD be fitted into the back seat.  It was clear that we urgently needed  to get it to Centennial Park--without delay!

Earlier, sitting in the back seat, just behind my passenger friend Adnan Adhouidak, I could see in the mirror James’ small hand moving within an inch of Adnan’s beautiful ‘birds nest’ hair, I’m not sure if James was requesting--or surreptitiously trying--to ‘test’ the texture and the actual fact! 

I and my Mazda joined a convoy that summer—part of The Group’s plan to carry friends and food over to Nielson Park for an early l990’s day of laying under the trees, ‘talking and walking’,  playing in the water, eating and drinking, taking opportunity to experience the best of Sydney’s beauty.

In Bellevue Road one morning, I waited to pull out from the park space, dressed and ready to head for work, when I was greeted by a Mercedes driver with his question of, ‘Where’s your other car?’.  It was refreshing to note a lack of direct attack for my ‘confidence’ in BEING there, but I was feeling pretty snappy that day,  and I took  it as interesting to note that my car didn’t match! 

It was the Mazda which ended up as a love affair, and more importantly so than any boyfriend passenger.  Certainly they would not be allowed to drive it.  I DID unkindly subject it to a number of stressful trips on behalf of some unworthy weights!

In retrospect, I subjected my Mazda to one blind man, one ex-alcoholic and one passenger with no licence, or three such subjects if you count the first two!

Yes, my Mazda 1300 was arguably the best love affair!  Its comfortable black bucket seats, manual drive and heat-reflecting white duco were everything I wanted in a car.    It was a 1970 model, still working, for me,  and beautifully so at the age of nearly 20!

Memorably, its sturdy self drove me from the Eastern suburbs to the Campbelltown area, with NOT ENOUGH water in the radiator – because I believed the petrol station attendant, against my better judgment and experience of driving, and my already well proven knowledge of mechanics of cars.  I’d thought it strange that the fellow after pronouncing that this engine, being set parallel to axil rather than to the carriage (check terms, Cecile), this particular engine did not require the radiator to be topped up.  To check it would therefore be ridiculous!  HOW could I have believed this when I’d driven and maintained my Datsun 180B for at least eight hours each art school week, between and around Newcastle and Tamworth  for nearly four years?

I recall feeling embarrassed (for him) to consider that he could possibly believe such a story, if it were not true,  so it MUST be viable and true.  Events later in the day suggested that the best scenario was that the petrol attendant was fearful that I would ask him to fill the radiator himself.  He would need to take the cap off, check the water level, and return the cap!

So, off I went, and when my poor little car finally stopped, I had no idea that the burning western suburbs bush fires that day were so close by.  It was terribly hot, there was a strange heat in the air, the little car was showing HOT on the dashboard indicator, I was not near a petrol station, and I was far from either my own or my brother’s camps!  TROUBLE!

The off-duty policeman (I suspect at the insistence of his wife), stopped, and we managed to get the car out to my brother’s camp.  The fire on the horizon had finally explained the strong smell in the hot, heat-wave air, and the pair confirmed the truth.

In the following week, my dear brother located a replacement engine for the original cost of the car, and it served me well for many more trips all over Sydney and suburbs.

Regrets are a waste of time, but memory of my Mazda and of its sale, still moves me.  I saw it off to a capable young man who wanted to buy an honest, straightforward  car for his partner to drive to and fro from her job!  I believed him that he would be mechanically maintaining it.

Initial responses to my car were often similar to mine, and this was expressed verbally and often by the fellow I thought was my boyfriend over a number of years.  He was notably embarrassed to ride in it!  Shortly after its disappearance from my life, he expressed extreme surprise and annoyance and asked me WHY I’d sold it!

Monday, July 22, 2013

Counter Action


Worst human behaviours
Cause, Effect and Affect
Fear, Anger and Loss of Hope

Might be Faced
Yin  and Yang

With 
Audacity of Ego,
Hope
And Carefully-considered Charity

COUNTER My Nightmare
With the Audacity of my Ego
To Dare to act
With Considered Charity.

Sunday, July 21, 2013

John


Airports, Ships, Cities, People, Places
Umbrellas, Rain Coats, Winter Survival Gear
Films, Cinemas
Board Room Graces
And Contentions to be Dealt With

Sharp Wit 

Friends Dining Spaces
Restaurants, Coffee Shops

Requests to read Various Manuscripts
With Experienced Comments and Critiques
Present this and that
at Parties, Reviews and Celebratory Screenings
Myriad of Contrasting Textures
Elegant Cuts

Bright Lemon Yellow
Fine Wool Magic
Joi de Vivre
Generously shared with so many of us.

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Tiny big mother



Our tiny big mother

has a heavy voltage
capacity for life

Haloumi has begun to settle
around my hips

Annette is studying
presumably more genetically related 
corporately packaged madeleines,
labelled historically francophilean,  
eaten in honour while also in frustration
of unacknowledged/misunderstood/undigested
misspent determination
all understandable, from countless perspectives

I don’t acknowledge middle age spread

Similarly for all of us her progeny

I understand from Dad
Phil and his wife are attending gym exercises

Madalene insists she prefers a beer
and regrets that walks have decreased
and need to be reintegrated into her plans

Dad has  his healthy pragmatism,
I’ll call it that and
grateful he remains so well
in fact outwardly the best

ABC1 has just presented
the renewed, digitised version
of ‘Wake in Fright’,

it was hidden in shame

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Sad, oh well


This week
You received three
Opportunities

But there was silence—
While you looked at me
While I waited

Which told me of No Learning From the past
But your trying again
Childish Adult
Scales unbalanced do not allow
Just Relationship
But Sustain ego and self-satisfied comfort

Men are not Gods,
(although) many have invented themselves as same, 
Nor the Centre of the Universe

Strange thing Ego when overdone,
Woe is ‘Man’ in more cases than one,
Doing what he is doing and has done,
Using psychology and Games
Confident of comparative physical power
And tribal numbers combined

Can be Charming and not unintelligent,
But an inabilityto change old goals’ self-satisfied comfort
presumed first place first choice
Denying human desire for certain genders
To share equally in exercising and developing one’s brain
Which means,
A situation of lost opportunity, 
For everyone

Your arrogance
Is not attractive to me.
I fear that you will continue in unnecessary
Depression.  Because I love you, this depresses me. 
From such static state, again,  I must take opportunity to leave.
I won’t waste  in Depression.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Night Walk from Central



It’s
No ot
My
Cun – tree

Wailed The Bogan

To the Wireless World.

Talk about Sacrificial Being
Feeling Our Blee ding Hearts


As I walk from the City
In Cold Discomforting Rain

Me and My Family
I hope we can talk

The hardest things


I stop In
Favourite Warm Dining Space.

Chatting, Musical People,
I hear them Teasing,
Spicy Diners, Colourful Lovebirds,

Chai Masala for me
As I try to sneak a look
Vew their fluffy feathers,.
 Entertaining,
Emulating Lively Bollywood screenings
Above a chalked saying,
‘Hate the Sin, Love the Sinner – Mahatma Ghan-di’!


 My brain’s Synapses spark!
A return to 1957

************************************************************************

Family Farm, Christmas table
Winter time celebration
And Grandma’s special presence
Her broken English ‘A leetle beet—good for you’, as she pours some red wine
Into my glass
Of Water.
Of Water
Turns a lovely Pale Purple,
Amazing me!
Grandma,
And Grandpa years before Deceased,
Both their birth dates, pre Eighteen Eighty Eight,
Cold French Pyrnees Tribal ‘States’
From which I must make an informed Escape.


But I would like

To climb up, see Sarrance,
and the rock house where Grandpa was born,
pass through Banca,
Grandma’s home ‘til she was 18.
France Then, from where they departed, before 1915,
arriving separately, At Ellis Island, I presume.
She under an assumed name.
And amongst all the other human beings, Travelling as we all do and have done.


Tonight’s uncomfortable Sydney rain
could be ‘nothing on’
The cold, steep mountains, thick forests, rocks, icy streams,
Where probably remain
Some of our Mitocondria, DNA and genes

I’d like to return,
See the Caves of painted Bison


Remembering to keep trying to amend
My Bogan mistakes, faux paux
and unworldly stupidities,
Which too often chill all space,
When I might be enjoying warm music,
In comfortable terrains
Much thanks in gratitude